Approaching my birthday on October 17 and realizing that mid-50 I am still on a path to defining and redefinign myself. The past year has been rocky one filled with hopes, anxieties, uncertainties, paralleling what many are experiencing with the uncertain economy, changing political scenario and up and down markets. My daughter transitioned to college, only not quite, as we were held in the dark as to her father's financial commitment to her continuing education, and I became more unwilling, and perhaps unable, to support her alone or support her to continue at the first college of her choice, with substantial debt.
Thinking this 'empty nest' time was the time to redirect self, revisit atualizing dreams, write? , I found myself still dealing with ongoing family and work issues that were unresolved. On top of it, the uncertain, or unclear commitment of my daughter to a direction heightened my own. Of course at 18/19 - this uncertainty is not unusual. At 55? Well perhaps not so unusual again as many women are seeming to take new turns in their work, family, and living situations. Some have been forced to.
But back to the intitial reason for the post- I was provoked by this question posed by Kathy Caprino of Ellia Communications in her blog post "Being Real in Times of Turmoil" What do you do each day to “keep the faith” and keep it real in your life and work?
This is a good question to ask oneself, and in doing that one comes back to basics I suppose. We can discover what is most important for ourselves. I find often I must come back to something concrete and simple to take care and renew myself.
This is what I wrote: I look for backup and perspective from friends and wise sources. A movie, a book. Regroup. For me that may involve movement, meditation, and touch - a walk to notice the sky and nature, and sleep. Bottomline a mixture of connection, conversation, and self-nurturance. Being able to help another almost always helps oneself. Remembering that work is only that- not all of oneself, is very important. Open oneself to guidance and cultivate acceptance - no real magic.
Reflecting on- there is some magic in it when it works. There are times, seeking that, that I have failed to feel renewed, where the body/mind was so depleted and the stress so persistent. Yet allowing for guidance and persisting in being open to be healed is very powerful. And opening, asking for help, can allow almost anyone, anything to give. And then at times the giving of one's gifts, whatever they might be may be essential, whether recognized or not.
It is interesting that I am reminded of this after having offered a massage/shiatsu/rehabilitative ssssion to a masssage therapist friend/mother. She needed the attention and skilled sensitive touch I have been blessed with, and feel a need to develop, explore, and offer more of. And in the exchange I too was supported and guided in trusting myself, spurred on to have and experience 'faith' in myself, in the moment and the possibilities of 'more' in the future.
And here I am writing again after quite a lull. TB cont'd....