Well . Just read this header and article in AARP magazine. Now really, is this news? Of course there is chemistry involved, But what is interesting and a bit scary is the question asked within, and idea posed, of developing a drug that would cause attachment and bonding feelings to make people have the impulse and desire to move closer to each other". I think of Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream mistakenly applying the elixir to mismatched couples, forcing the romantic attachment of the fairy queen Tatiana to Bottom - the fool, the donkey.
What dangers do we invite by meddling further with nature? Already anti-perspirants maske our natural smells and pheromones which can aid in attraction. These chemicals also help us unconsicously stay away from genetic pools that are too similar to our own. Masking smell could lead us to romantic or sexual partnering with a person whose gene pool would not be best to mate with. And now we add oxytocin or other chemicals in pill form that may overide nature's long developed wisdom? Yes,to encourage bonding can be good, very good, especially for fathers and mothers to their babies and children and each other.
Yet touch has been proven to be effective in encouraging that. Check out the research that has been done, and Ashley Montague's book on Touching. We certainly can use more consensual, skilled, loving touch in this world.
We need to teach people to be mindful of the choices they make for romantic and sexual partner. Teach folks to tune into and respect their senses, but also to use their intuition and mind to interpret the appropriateness, and safety, of pairing up. We don't need to overide the power of body/mind, by use of synthetic aids.
We also do indeed need to look at what 'love' is and encourage the development of love in a broader sense than just attraction.
Boy- what a mickey it would be if some 'bad boy' slipped one into an unwitting woman's drink and then what more devastation would ensue than already does by having the heartless one leave. And in fact, what if the scene was twisted the other way and some woman tried to ensnare her potential lover into attachment? Would she indeed need to keep him bewitched with drugs, the modern embodiment of a wicked witch? Buyer beware.
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Saturday, August 18, 2007
What Midlife Women May Need From A Man Before Having Sex
Again- reading and responding to a post:
What Women May Need from a Man before Having Sex, as posted by the Dating Goddess
I have many thoughts on this topic and hopefully will compile and compose them at some time for consumption (umm). Here are some.
Please read her summary of basic points from Laws of the Jungle-Dating for Women Over 40:
It seems that there are 4 basic areas that may need to exist for a woman to feel 'chemistry' and agree to sex-
For a man simply
It seems that if all or many of the criteria are not met, the women find sex is unfulfilling and pointless.
Here is MY response:
On an important note.
What women and men say may reflect more on their own awareness of their motivations than actuality.
Men’s quick and gut reactions ARE as they say-
A woman should be attractive and willing-
But they too may have other desires and qualifications especially as they mature.
Importantly for midlife daters (and others):
A woman and a man may want to know that the prospective partner is STD free - and to determine that and whether to trust your partner may take time.
Women may have better impulse control and so choose to take more time to ‘investigate’.
Women may be concerned with attractiveness and certainly also need to test a man’s ‘willingness’.
They may want sex as much as men, but understand the implications of ACTING too quickly on this.
Yes, much may be the same for a younger woman, or younger and older men. And Age may not be as relevant as objective and experience with dating and relationship building.
Objectives change over the course of one’s life.
Many women DO want sex and not necessarily ‘committed’ or ‘exclusive’ relationships, especially when working on their careers or coming out of a divorce or sexless/loveless marriage.
Many women may be judged more harshly for admitting this or acting on this. It is more acceptable if in a ‘relationship’.
Being open to sex, does not mean not ALSO wanting affection, caring or consideration, and attention.
This also goes for men.
Defining commitment is important. One can be ‘commited’ to an ongoing relationship and yet not present in the moments you are sharing with a partner.
Ability to be committed and attentive in the moment, whether it is one date or more, may be more important for a woman in determining if she wishes to have sex.
Many maturer men and women may find that disconnected, inattentive, slam-bang, eyes tight shut sex becomes more and more unfufilling and unmeaningful over time.
Ones perception of ‘boredom’ may have as much to do with the openess and creativity in one’s own mind as to do with the behavior of another.
Women may wish to test the prospective creativity of the mind of the man she may choose to have sex with, to assess the quality of the sex they might have together.
A wise and maturer man may choose to do the same even if he feels that immediate tug of chemistry.
Again much depends on objectives, stage of life, skill set and experience.
Alison
What Women May Need from a Man before Having Sex, as posted by the Dating Goddess
I have many thoughts on this topic and hopefully will compile and compose them at some time for consumption (umm). Here are some.
Please read her summary of basic points from Laws of the Jungle-Dating for Women Over 40:
It seems that there are 4 basic areas that may need to exist for a woman to feel 'chemistry' and agree to sex-
Positive personal traits and acceptability
The possibility and potential of an ongoing relationship
Willingness for a man to 'invest' in her emotionally and materially
That there is at least some physical attraction on both sides, or at least that there are no physical turn-offs.
For a man simply
He must find her physically attractive.
She is willing.
It seems that if all or many of the criteria are not met, the women find sex is unfulfilling and pointless.
Here is MY response:
On an important note.
What women and men say may reflect more on their own awareness of their motivations than actuality.
Men’s quick and gut reactions ARE as they say-
A woman should be attractive and willing-
But they too may have other desires and qualifications especially as they mature.
Importantly for midlife daters (and others):
A woman and a man may want to know that the prospective partner is STD free - and to determine that and whether to trust your partner may take time.
Women may have better impulse control and so choose to take more time to ‘investigate’.
Women may be concerned with attractiveness and certainly also need to test a man’s ‘willingness’.
They may want sex as much as men, but understand the implications of ACTING too quickly on this.
Yes, much may be the same for a younger woman, or younger and older men. And Age may not be as relevant as objective and experience with dating and relationship building.
Objectives change over the course of one’s life.
Many women DO want sex and not necessarily ‘committed’ or ‘exclusive’ relationships, especially when working on their careers or coming out of a divorce or sexless/loveless marriage.
Many women may be judged more harshly for admitting this or acting on this. It is more acceptable if in a ‘relationship’.
Being open to sex, does not mean not ALSO wanting affection, caring or consideration, and attention.
This also goes for men.
Defining commitment is important. One can be ‘commited’ to an ongoing relationship and yet not present in the moments you are sharing with a partner.
Ability to be committed and attentive in the moment, whether it is one date or more, may be more important for a woman in determining if she wishes to have sex.
Many maturer men and women may find that disconnected, inattentive, slam-bang, eyes tight shut sex becomes more and more unfufilling and unmeaningful over time.
Ones perception of ‘boredom’ may have as much to do with the openess and creativity in one’s own mind as to do with the behavior of another.
Women may wish to test the prospective creativity of the mind of the man she may choose to have sex with, to assess the quality of the sex they might have together.
A wise and maturer man may choose to do the same even if he feels that immediate tug of chemistry.
Again much depends on objectives, stage of life, skill set and experience.
Alison
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