Saturday, August 18, 2007

What Midlife Women May Need From A Man Before Having Sex

Again- reading and responding to a post:
What Women May Need from a Man before Having Sex, as posted by the Dating Goddess

I have many thoughts on this topic and hopefully will compile and compose them at some time for consumption (umm). Here are some.

Please read her summary of basic points from Laws of the Jungle-Dating for Women Over 40:

It seems that there are 4 basic areas that may need to exist for a woman to feel 'chemistry' and agree to sex-

Positive personal traits and acceptability

The possibility and potential of an ongoing relationship

Willingness for a man to 'invest' in her emotionally and materially

That there is at least some physical attraction on both sides, or at least that there are no physical turn-offs.

For a man simply

He must find her physically attractive.

She is willing.

It seems that if all or many of the criteria are not met, the women find sex is unfulfilling and pointless.

Here is MY response:

On an important note.
What women and men say may reflect more on their own awareness of their motivations than actuality.

Men’s quick and gut reactions ARE as they say-
A woman should be attractive and willing-

But they too may have other desires and qualifications especially as they mature.

Importantly for midlife daters (and others):

A woman and a man may want to know that the prospective partner is STD free - and to determine that and whether to trust your partner may take time.

Women may have better impulse control and so choose to take more time to ‘investigate’.

Women may be concerned with attractiveness and certainly also need to test a man’s ‘willingness’.

They may want sex as much as men, but understand the implications of ACTING too quickly on this.

Yes, much may be the same for a younger woman, or younger and older men. And Age may not be as relevant as objective and experience with dating and relationship building.

Objectives change over the course of one’s life.

Many women DO want sex and not necessarily ‘committed’ or ‘exclusive’ relationships, especially when working on their careers or coming out of a divorce or sexless/loveless marriage.

Many women may be judged more harshly for admitting this or acting on this. It is more acceptable if in a ‘relationship’.

Being open to sex, does not mean not ALSO wanting affection, caring or consideration, and attention.

This also goes for men.

Defining commitment is important. One can be ‘commited’ to an ongoing relationship and yet not present in the moments you are sharing with a partner.

Ability to be committed and attentive in the moment, whether it is one date or more, may be more important for a woman in determining if she wishes to have sex.

Many maturer men and women may find that disconnected, inattentive, slam-bang, eyes tight shut sex becomes more and more unfufilling and unmeaningful over time.

Ones perception of ‘boredom’ may have as much to do with the openess and creativity in one’s own mind as to do with the behavior of another.

Women may wish to test the prospective creativity of the mind of the man she may choose to have sex with, to assess the quality of the sex they might have together.

A wise and maturer man may choose to do the same even if he feels that immediate tug of chemistry.

Again much depends on objectives, stage of life, skill set and experience.



Dating Goddess said...


Thanks for once again mentioning my blog in yours. Your points are well taken. "The Laws of the Jungle" book gave us much fodder for discussion.

Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40

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