What Makes a Man Attractive?

Was reading Evan Katz's blog and comments on What Makes a Man attractive, and added my own.

After reading his entry and the responses, including my own, I would love to hear directly from you - men and women.

What do you particularly find attractive?

Is it in the particulars of a person - or are there general areas that appeal regardless of the individual?

Can you identify patterns or similarities in the men you are attracted to?

If you are a man- what do YOU think the women in your life find attractive about you?

If you are a woman- what do you agree or disagree with in terms of this post?

You can respond to the statements, mostly emphasized in bold or block quoted.

My response to Evan-

Ok- agreed with Marc, and still feel that it is all unclear or way too simplistic.

Maybe the point is that a man (or woman) who confronts his/her fears, challenges, and blocks to forge ahead with a passion (and what about vision?), is more likely to succeed and gain competency, and so be attractive.

This does seem to be true. Competency and Skills often equate to power. And Power is a powerful aphrodesiac.

However I also hear the woman who found her husband, striving to learn the piano, very ’sexy’.

Maybe there is an attractive quality that comes from dedication, focus, and ability to follow through and grow, regardless of whether it leads to mastery?

Maybe if the partner is not at all interested in the particular arena of mastery of the man - there would be NO appeal.

Maybe it is the attention and care a man demonstrates in managing his business, art, or other, that appeals to a woman who might feel he could then attend to her as well?

Looking further back to this prescription for ‘attractive’:
“You have to be cocky. You have to have a sense of humor. You have to keep her off-balance by putting her down and showing her you’re in control. ”

These are also too simplistic and the last statement disturbs me.

I do not think it is necessarily true. I wonder about the value of these advisors and the interpretations of men listening.

Cocky in a way that exudes confidence - yes
Cocky in a way that is arrogant and self-centered- not to a mature woman

Humor in a way that is teasing, fun, and enlightening- yes
Humor that shows negativity and comes from a hurt place, that tends to sarcasm and may be mean and hurtful- No to a healthy listener

Off-balance in a way that she is surprised and cannot put the man in a category to shelve and forget,so she wishes to know and experience more- yes

Off-balance in a way that is so unpredictable and unaccountable, or indicates possibilities of mental illness (or results from the man being a liar-gambler-cheat)- No

Putting her down or showing you are in control- NO
I do not think putting ANYONE down is positive or really necessary to enhance one’s appeal.

To challenge someone to grow, to take charge and lead in an adventure (sexual or other) can be VERY appealing.

(and this can go both ways)

The NEED to control and demean (or put down) comes from insecurity and often a lack of SELF-CONTROL, awareness, and compassion.

This is NOT appealing to a mature woman (or man)

Curious to hear responses-

I think it is important for Evan and readers to realize that the ideas here are presented as observations, some with research to back, and some really coming out of the writer’s own preferences.

We are not all the same and these preferences vary, even for the same person, with time/age/experience. That is the beauty.

Alison

P.S. Passion is good of course.

I think most would assume that someone exuding passion in one area is capable of being passionate in others (like in bed...)

What's not to like about that?